Children are born with the innate capacity to respond well. We just need to find how to best support that.

You long to feel calm, confident and at ease in your relationship with your children.

You ache to stop aching, physically and emotionally. You see other parents and wonder how they look so calm and connected to their kids and like they’ve just ‘got this’ – and you want that ‘this’ too. 

All of it, no holes barred. And you absolutely want something much happier, warmer and more joyful for your family.

But somehow it hasn’t panned out that way.  If you are anything like the parents I meet you are exhausted, angry and frustrated with your children’s behaviours, perhaps you don’t even like them at times. This leads you to feel self-critical and think you are alone.  It is all too much huh!

You’re working hard to raise good kids, pay the bills, keep the household running and maintain your own identity, and the juggling act has worn you out.  It feels like everything and everyone is being short changed, and you feel like no one is seeing your best self.

You wonder why it is so hard and never dreamt that you would find yourself feeling the way that you do.  The stark reality of how much children change our lives in ways that we could never have imagined is unexpected and there are very few societies that support parents well.

I’ve been there too.

Stressed, overwhelmed, worried my children were going to grow up to be ungrateful, disrespectful people and it was all going to be my fault.  I know what it is like to be a struggling parent and I know what it feels like when you are not living up to your idea of the parent you want to be. 

I, like you, love my family with a passion and I, like you, struggled to understand why everyone (including me) often behaved the way they did and it felt like I was stuck in the maze of family life and didn’t know which way to turn.

This was over 28 year ago and I found myself attending a parenting group that was to be the beginning of a turnaround that continues to this day.  Learning about my own strong feelings and the choices I have when they overwhelm me.

Learning about the needs and nature of the incredible, tender little people that grace our lives and how we can offer them the best environment to thrive and become the respectful, respected adults we hope for. 

Learning how to find an ease, calm, and confidence in my parenting, and garnering the tools that allow for the deep connection we all crave from our relationships.

And I want this for you because we are not really any different.

The Hand in Hand Revolution

I have trained and qualified in many Parenting Programmes over the years and have worked with hundreds of families and seen profound change and relief from both parents and children.

But it was only this year after all the years of evolving in my field that I came across an approach that has been the pot of gold at the end of my parenting rainbow. I undertook, a professionals intensive training with a wonderful organisation called Hand in Hand and it has transformed, yet again, my understanding and practice.

There is so much to say, but for now, for the sake of brevity let me make a list

• All children are kind, caring and compassionate and they, like us, want to be able to return to a sense of reason and calm when their feelings are erupting inside
• It is completely natural and normal for children to offload their strong feelings.  It is their innate instinct at work
• Parents need to know how to nurture and nourish themselves so that they no longer feel depleted and are not constantly ‘triggered’ by their children’s strong feelings
• Children experiencing meltdown need to be listened to in a variety of ways so that there is safety and love around them at these crucial times.
• These times our children display their feelings are opportunities for deeper connection between parent and child
• It is important to set limits that bring safety to an overwhelming situation. These limits are easy to implement and are not punitive. In fact our children love us all the more for bringing the clear boundaries
• It is more beneficial for parents to have ‘time out’ than their children, so that they can find their own inner recourses
• There can truly be an ease, to our parenting, that allows us to nurture, love and guide with confidence and pleasure

From all of this past knowledge and new understanding about brain science and its effect on our emotions, I have created a package called:

Meeting Emotional Meltdowns
with Calm, Ease and Confidence

A four week programme.    

This package is for you if:

• You feel stuck and frustrated when your child is challenging you
•  You feel unappreciated for all the many ways you try to help them
•  You just want the warmth and connection you once felt with your child
•  You don’t like your own or you child’s behaviour and don’t know what to do about it

This won’t be your thing if you are looking for strategies that will ‘fix’ your child and the problem. And if you believe that children should be sanctioned in order to keep the peace at home.

However this is not a permissive approach either.  Setting clear, calm and immediate limits is a core element whilst supporting and listening to the strong feelings that all children have, so that they can return to their true, rational, and affectionate selves.

What’s Included

• 4 x 1 hourly sessions over 4 weeks. First session 1 hour and then choice of 1 weekly hour session or 1/2 hour bi-weekly sessions. We will talk about your family challenges, how you feel and what you would like to change. We will continue this dialogue over the month and as the questions and difficulties arise we can address them head on so that after the 4 weeks you will have a set of tools and insights that will be at your fingertips.
• Homework and PDF’s to back up tools and insights. The PDF’s will be clear step by step ways to meet your child’s strong feelings (such as disrespectful language or times they may lash out at you or a sibling) with calm and confidence.
• E mail access during office hours for the whole month
• Personalised programme that will meet your specific parenting needs
• Background information about the brain and how it is linked to our emotions.  With a better understanding of what is happening in our child’s brain and how that is effecting their ability to be reasonable, or not, we can (alongside the listening tools) create a framework for them to flourish and thrive.
• Ways to meet your own needs so that you are better equipped for the journey ahead.  You are likely feeling not heard, understood or supported and not knowing how to deal with your own strong feelings that get triggered by your children’s anger, sadness, fear and demands.

Results

At the end of this package you will have;

• A better understanding of the nature of emotional meltdowns (yours and your child’s). Often this meltdown (could be over a broken biscuit) is the tipping point that has come from overwhelming feelings from the past which could be the previous day week or year. At these times, children are telling us they need more connection and there are wonderful and effective ways we can do just that for them.  It brings joy to everyone as the relationship deepens and they come to know they can rely on us to be right there in that moment of need.
• Five listening tools that will bring a closer and deeper connection with your child, more fun and laughter for everyone and a relaxed and happy you, as you find you have the resources and understanding you have craved for so long.
• A tried and tested way to meet your need to offload so that you are less likely to over-react (mostly), and feel more confident and calm when the meltdowns occur.  The added benefit here is that we can heal our own unmet childhood needs and pains and break the cycle that has been passed down from generation to generation.

A fresh perspective

When children have meltdowns it is their instinct and nature at work.  They are (believe it or not) programmed to offload so that they can clear the way back to their rational, creative and kind selves. 

They ache for real connection, safety and understanding, as we do.  When we give that to them they will pay us back with so much appreciation and love, everyone wins.  Who doesn’t want that!  And parents need support too, of course. 

We look at how to bring that about so that everyone’s needs are being met and you feel an ease and confidence when the heat is turned up and your child’s ability to be rational is turned down. Then family life, for the most part, is a place where everyone is thriving and connection is felt.

So why wait and hope that things will get better. I will help you see your children and yourself in a new light. Bringing a fresh perspective that helps the whole family reconnect and become their best selves, especially when the challenges arise. I will support, encourage and empathise with you as I help navigate the challenges and struggles you face. We will work together to find you the best route, map and compass that will take your family from where you are, to where you want to be.

This is a new package that has my (almost) three decades of experience plus the added tools and insights, I learnt this year.